Slightly Gluten-Free

INT. SUSHI RESTAURANT IN WESTCHESTER

Rebecca is on her fourth date with Mike.

SERVER

Hi, can I take your order?

REBECCA

Yes, I’ll have the miso soup, a spicy tuna roll, and the shrimp tempura.

SERVER

Sure.

REBECCA

Oh, can you please bring out the gluten-free soy sauce?

SERVER

Are you gluten-free? There’s gluten in the miso soup. And tempura.

REBECCA

Well, sort of.

SERVER

Do you have a gluten allergy?

REBECCA

No, no, I just prefer gluten-free soy sauce.

SERVER

So, when you get glutened, will you send your dish back? That’s happened here before.

REBECCA

No, really, it’s fine. You know what, just bring the regular soy sauce. You can even bring me the one with extra sodium if you want.

SERVER

I would love to accommodate your request, Miss, I just have to let the chefs know if you have an allergy.

REBECCA

No, I am only slightly gluten-free.

SERVER

(Screams to chef)

Joe, we have another who is slightly gluten-free! Use the slightly gluten-free pan!

(To Rebecca)

That’s when we mix gluten with non-gluten for customers. We have a whole slightly gluten-free menu.

REBECCA

Why didn’t you say something then?

MIKE

She was waiting to see if you were actually gluten-free or not.

SERVER

We have a phlebotomist on-site behind the Bamboo-print curtain if you need to test for gluten intolerance.

REBECCA

That’s not necessary.

SERVER

At least you’ll know where you land on the spectrum. Then we can add you to our slightly gluten-free mailing list.

REBECCA

I can’t take it anymore!!

Rebecca loses it and grabs all the gluten food from the table next to her and shovels it in.

SERVER

Well, sir, I think your girlfriend needs a head doctor.

MIKE

She is NOT my girlfriend!!

Rebecca faints of a gluten-attack. Her body swells and she passes out.

MIKE

You killed my girlfriend!

SERVER

Sir, so she is your girlfriend?

REBECCA

(Half awake, sort of dead)

Omg, did you just call me your girlfriend?

MIKE

Fuck this! I’m going to Dominos!

The end.