INT. SUSHI RESTAURANT IN WESTCHESTER
Rebecca is on her fourth date with Mike.
SERVER
Hi, can I take your order?
REBECCA
Yes, I’ll have the miso soup, a spicy tuna roll, and the shrimp tempura.
SERVER
Sure.
REBECCA
Oh, can you please bring out the gluten-free soy sauce?
SERVER
Are you gluten-free? There’s gluten in the miso soup. And tempura.
REBECCA
Well, sort of.
SERVER
Do you have a gluten allergy?
REBECCA
No, no, I just prefer gluten-free soy sauce.
SERVER
So, when you get glutened, will you send your dish back? That’s happened here before.
REBECCA
No, really, it’s fine. You know what, just bring the regular soy sauce. You can even bring me the one with extra sodium if you want.
SERVER
I would love to accommodate your request, Miss, I just have to let the chefs know if you have an allergy.
REBECCA
No, I am only slightly gluten-free.
SERVER
(Screams to chef)
Joe, we have another who is slightly gluten-free! Use the slightly gluten-free pan!
(To Rebecca)
That’s when we mix gluten with non-gluten for customers. We have a whole slightly gluten-free menu.
REBECCA
Why didn’t you say something then?
MIKE
She was waiting to see if you were actually gluten-free or not.
SERVER
We have a phlebotomist on-site behind the Bamboo-print curtain if you need to test for gluten intolerance.
REBECCA
That’s not necessary.
SERVER
At least you’ll know where you land on the spectrum. Then we can add you to our slightly gluten-free mailing list.
REBECCA
I can’t take it anymore!!
Rebecca loses it and grabs all the gluten food from the table next to her and shovels it in.
SERVER
Well, sir, I think your girlfriend needs a head doctor.
MIKE
She is NOT my girlfriend!!
Rebecca faints of a gluten-attack. Her body swells and she passes out.
MIKE
You killed my girlfriend!
SERVER
Sir, so she is your girlfriend?
REBECCA
(Half awake, sort of dead)
Omg, did you just call me your girlfriend?
MIKE
Fuck this! I’m going to Dominos!
The end.